Metatron – Scrying Notes

Notes of my group scrying session on July 12, 2020

During the invocation I saw a shadow outline of a person with a giant eye for a head. The eye was like a black hole looking into a deep and endless space. It had rays of light at the edges like an eclipse and rays of golden light would come out of it. Inside the eye I saw a desert at night with a large tent lit by three lights. The door was open but blackness inside. I saw a beautiful woman’s face.

Metatron in the Moveable Heaven

Working with the second key: Raziel

Written June 28th, 2020 after my very first scrying session. Awww.

As the US based group prepares to start working through the Skinner text on Rudd’s Gateways of Magic, it felt like a good idea to sit on the UK Angel Scrying group’s process. They’ve been working for a few months and are nearing the end of the process.

Before I outline my experience I want to share my general work with angels this week. I’ve been saying the daily prayers from the Heptameron. And before sleep I’ve journeyed into the four directions of my imagination space looking for angel contact. I wasn’t expecting too much from the journeys but just doing a bit of bothering and seeing what comes up. The first night heading north was a little slow but eventually I found a garden. Then east a beach, south a cemetery and when I moved east… nothing. I couldn’t get anything, I was just stuck in the forest. 

I did a card pull to get some clarification and direction. I pulled a center card for myself and then one for each directions… and then two clarifying cards for the areas that felt a bit more blocked. I came up as the hermit in the center and it felt fitting. Most everything here tracked perfectly… except the red diamond. But let’s put that on hold for a minute and carry on to the ritual.


We had very loud thunderstorm here about 20 minutes before the call that continued throughout. It felt ominous. Before the zoom call I cleansed the room and my stone with smoke and I said my daily angel prayers. I had done my typical rosary practice in the morning but saved the angel prayers. I placed a printed version of Raziel’s seal under my stone (I’m using a piece of velvet obsidian) and placed a chime candle to each side. 

Jaime read the introduction prayer and then the second key prayer for Raziel. He used a monotonous sing song voice that felt very trancelike. Halfway through the prayer I felt a blurry-ness cross my vision, but otherwise nothing much. The prayers last about 25 minutes and it felt like a nice lead up. It let me soften my focus and move to a dreamier state.

Then comes ten minutes to scry in silence. I’ll be honest, I have never done anything like this before and I wasn’t sure what to expect. For the first few minutes I kept waiting for a literal contact event or a voice in my head. My mind drifted to that beach in the movie Contact. I could see a sky of stars, except the stars were user profile pictures. You know like the little people outlines that social media sites show if you don’t upload an avatar? I got the impression that the stars were us… people/rune-soupers. Which made sense as I was on a zoom call with strangers from the internet. I also got the feel that angels are literally stars. They are like a network of souls in the sky. But I was stuck on these visions for a good 6 or 7 minutes. It was just the sea of faceless avatar people. When I mentally connected them like the angels the sky of stars parted like curtains. It felt like only by networking and forming a web that I could move to the next step?

From there I got the imagery of a black lake below the starry sky. A boat moved towards me on a beach lit by two torches. The boat looked empty but I could feel it wasn’t. Below the horizon line there were 5 to 8 black shillouted figures reflected. I tried asking a few questions here but I didn’t know if I should. And I still felt like I wasn’t really getting anything.

I saw a falling star land between two mountain peaks in the distance. Then I was at a circle around a fire… maybe two or three other people were there. A small brown owl landed at the edge and began walk dancing around the circle. He started to turn human, from the feet up. Before I could see the full transformation I felt my focus pulled back up to the stars. There was a large hulking blackness above. It had glowing yellow eyes but it was cold and still. Impartially watching. It wasn’t in the stars but above them. Then I noticed repeating versions of the same face stacked on top of each other. Each face slightly smaller than the one below. 

Then the bell chimed. It startled me and I came out of it. I still felt like I didn’t have anything. While I was experiencing the journey, it felt like nothing. There was a rush of the images in the last few minutes but it didn’t really coalesce into a narrative until after. If you had asked me to come out of that and immediately start describing it, I’m not sure I could. It felt like only when my rational mind came back could I make something coherent from it.

After people spoke of seeing a red diamond. Hence why I shared the spread above. Others spoke of a netted bag like the kind you put sports balls in, which are made of triangles. People spoke of beasts like where the wild things are. A stillness. Death. Nesting dolls. Webs. Fractals… And so much more. If I did it again, I would take notes on what people are saying after. This break down of experiences helped trigger little bits that I had felt inconsequential. That the water was black and still, or the presence above the stars was black and still, did not resonate as noteworthy until others shared their experiences. 

I’m not 100% what the red diamond is about. Maybe it is the space between the nets. Maybe just a way to say “hey pay attention!” All I know is this all felt right. It felt like the work I’m supposed to be doing right now. I’m quite excited.

An introduction.

Written June 25th, 2020. When the group started angel bothering I made this journal entry up. I wanted a front facing blog, but didn’t follow through.

I’m unsure how to even begin this, but I know it must be done. As things fit together it’s apparent I must take the work more seriously. There is a need to elevate it and share it. 

Introductions provide context and in this work that is so very important. We all approach these things through the lens of our lived experiences. Something crosses your path…a book, a thought, a sync, or a dream that unravels everything you knew up until that moment.

I was raised Wiccan and Christian. Not that either was pushed upon me, but family members shared those currants with me. My mother brought me to rituals from time to time, my grandmothers to church. Neither seemed all that serious or necessary. I enjoyed parts of both, but it also seemed like so much was being left out. Though to be fair, I doubt I was paying that much attention. I learn by doing. 

In my teen years I was too busy to be bothered with anything but some light divination. By my early twenties I had children of my own. I shifted toward a more atheist or agnostic view. I read some Dawkins, I did a deep dive into the Bible and where it comes from, how it’s been edited and changed. I got my feet wet in some comparative religion. I loved understanding why and what people believed in, but nothing really clicked as something I should believe in. If you looked at my bookshelf, you might think I was deeply religious.

In my late twenties I had A Moment… a moment where something clicks and things start to fall apart or is it fall together? Whichever it is… things changed. I went down a few paths searching to ultimately put things to the side. Then in my mid thirties I had another Moment. I will share that moment because it feels so silly it’s worth comemerating.

I like to watch ASMR videos, especially in the afternoon of a work day… just 10-15 minutes of a video seems to refresh my brain. I had taken to listening to reiki asmr videos. Hand movements seem to be a good trigger for me. At that point in time I’d been watching exclusively reiki videos for 8 months or so. I literally paid zero attention to what she was saying, I just knew they made me feel better. She did one session for retrieving soul fragments. I barely paid attention to the words she said but within 24 hours I was following a Wikipedia rabbit hole of occult teachings. I can’t even tell you what my first question was that I googled. I think I was a few weeks into researching things before I put together what had happened.

From there I stumbled through books… some Crowley (as we all do) some chaos magick, some grimoires. John Dee was particularly fascinating. I found Scarlet Imprint and The Red Goddess. That book spoke to me on a level I didn’t know. Babalon was my focus for a long time. She still is but I balance her with a great deal of devotion to Mary. I’ve made peace with Christianity and Catholicism. I jumped into practice before I knew what I was doing. I made mistakes. I got moved around the board… a lot. 

If I had to be honest about my practice it would be centered somewhere between new age and occultism. Candle magick, sigils and prayer are centerpieces. I get squirrely when occultism gets too close to cermonial magic. Something about that always feels like the rituals and church visits of my youth, yes we are doing The Thing… but I’m so disconnected from the reasons that it feels empty. I do my best magick on a whim. Inspired by something, fumbling in the dark. With that comes some shame. I see others pointing to extensive research on herbs, grimoires, ancient mythology, astrology. I can just shrug and say I felt “called” to do this thing. 

And here is where we land. I feel called to dive deeper into the real work of magic. Angels in particular feel potent, but I’m also feeling like I need more structure… more documentation. I hope for this to be a transparent record of my work and a way to hold myself accountable. So here is to beginnings!

A Time Capsule

Feeling that I should keep a blog of my notes I googled around for a cheap solution. I find WordPress and begin the signup process. Shoot… the name I wanted is taken. Hrmmm I wonder who has that domain?

Oh, it’s ME!! From 11 years ago when the first glimmer of the journey began.

I am going to leave the old posts. And here is my old about me text. For memories sake. 😉

About me

Randomly updated things that interest me. Maybe on topic (relgion, god, spirituality) and maybe not.

When my history teacher made an off-the-cuff comment on two versions of creation in the bible (one that blamed women and one that didn’t). I started a self study on who wrote the bible and general religious history…. unfortunately (or fortunately) this led me down the rabbit hole. This blog is a bit about the journey down the  hole and into a world of philosophy, religion, spirituality, thought, existence, and all through the eyes of a lay person.

On the note of two creations in the bible(one that blamed women and one that didn’t):

She was talking about there being two version of the adam and eve story; one that blamed women and was put into the version of the bible, and one that blamed both sexes and wasn’t put into the bible… I have yet to find evidence of the second one. Though I do admit I have gotten off track. If you know of information about this specific subject, please contact me! :)

Agnostic or Free Thinker?

When I reached intellectual maturity and began to ask myself whether I was an atheist, a theist, or a pantheist; a materialist or an idealist; Christian or a freethinker; I found that the more I learned and reflected, the less ready was the answer; until, at last, I came to the conclusion that I had neither art nor part with any of these denominations, except the last. The one thing in which most of these good people were agreed was the one thing in which I differed from them. They were quite sure they had attained a certain “gnosis,”–had, more or less successfully, solved the problem of existence; while I was quite sure I had not, and had a pretty strong conviction that the problem was insoluble. So I took thought, and invented what I conceived to be the appropriate title of “agnostic.” It came into my head as suggestively antithetic to the “gnostic” of Church history, who professed to know so much about the very things of which I was ignorant. To my great satisfaction the term took.

Thomas Henry Huxley

Haha, the bolded part definitely seems to be the case for me lately.

The ‘Scales of Doubt’ Quiz

The ‘Scales of Doubt’ Quiz

*this is rather old but I like it. Taken from NPR article about Doubt the book.*

Answer “Yes,” “No,” or “Not Sure” to the following:

1. Do you believe that a particular religious tradition holds accurate knowledge of the ultimate nature of reality and the purpose of human life?

2. Do you believe that some thinking being consciously made the universe?

3. Is there an identifiable force coursing through the universe, holding it together, or uniting all life-forms?

4. Could prayer be in any way effective, that is, do you believe that such a being or force (as posited above) could ever be responsive to your thoughts or words?

5. Do you believe this being or force can think or speak?

6. Do you believe this being has a memory or can make plans?

7. Does this force sometimes take a human form?

8. Do you believe that the thinking part or animating force of a human being continues to exist after the body has died?

9. Do you believe that any part of a human being survives death, elsewhere or here on earth?

10. Do you believe that feelings about things should be admitted as evidence in establishing reality?

11. Do you believe that love and inner feelings of morality suggest that there is a world beyond that of biology, social patterns, and accident — i.e., a realm of higher meaning?

12. Do you believe that the world is not completely knowable by science?

13. If someone were to say “The universe is nothing but an accidental pile of stuff, jostling around with no rhyme nor reason, and all life on earth is but a tiny, utterly inconsequential speck of nothing, in a corner of space, existing in the blink of an eye never to be judged, noticed, or remembered,” would you say, “Now that’s going a bit far, that’s a bit wrongheaded?”

If you answered No to all these questions, you’re a hard-core atheist and of a certain variety: a rational materialist. If you said No to the first seven, but then had a few Yes answers, you’re still an atheist, but you may have what I will call a pious relationship to the universe. If your answers to the first seven questions contained at least two Not Sure answers, you’re an agnostic. If you answered Yes to some of the questions you may still be an atheist or agnostic, though not of the materialist variety. If you answered Yes to nine or more, you are a believer.

From Doubt: A History by Jennifer Michael Hecht. (Harper, 2003)

As always I’m somewhere floating in the middle. Sometimes I had a yes AND no answer to questions… its not that I’m not sure but I don’t think thinking and speaking are in the same category. What do you mean by speaking? Communicating? Speaking aloud? What if by just thinking the Super Mega Great Universe Powah sent out waves of thought to the minds of the inhabitants of the universe? Also why is memory and plans in the same section. What if the Awesome Extreme Existence Being is the great record keeper of all, remembering eternally all that has taken place but does not try to control the future?

Anyways an interesting quiz nonetheless.

Symbolic Immortality

From: Carlo Strenger’s article You’d better believe it: Daniel Dennett argues that many religious people don’t truly believe. But though I sympathise, it’s a case of wishful thinking Hopefully enough of a clipping to understand where I’m going with my thoughts.

What is Dennett’s problem, then? Why can’t he accept the facts, even though he professes to be guided by science? The reason for Dennett’s disbelief in belief is that, like Dawkins, he does not want to give up on the Enlightenment narrative that says that humanity inevitably evolves towards higher rationality. He can simply not let go of the idea that if humans have access to education and knowledge, they will inevitably move towards being secular atheists like himself – and like me, for that matter.

I identify with Dennett in that I’m also struck by the recalcitrance of religious belief to the enormous advances of science. I wonder how people who are brilliant and have access to as much information as I have, have beliefs that seem utterly irrational to me. And, like Dennett, I cannot let go of the Enlightenment narrative, in spite of evidence to the contrary. In fact, I don’t want to let go of it for two reasons: first, because it gives me some hope for humanity (and I live in an area of the world where hope is a pretty scarce commodity these days). Second, because fighting for Enlightenment values is a form of life that I’m deeply engaged in and gives my life meaning.

The findings of existential psychology show that humans need a cultural framework that provides them with symbolic immortality, or what is generally called meaning. This is the feeling that we are part of a larger whole, a religion, culture or movement that will survive our personal death. By contributing to this larger whole, we feel that we will not disappear without a trace. This is one of the major functions of cultural belief systems, and humans will often defend these belief systems with their lives; meaning and symbolic immortality, paradoxically, matter more to us than our individual lives.

Full article here.

My thoughts on belief in belief have been so PC lately I almost make myself sick. Anyways its still interesting to me. While this general idea that we need religion or any belief system so we can feel part of something is just a wee bit over simplfied for my tastes. The thought is also in this other article about Dorothy Rowe’s book. (another book for my ever growing reading list….)

At the launch of her new book, psychologist Dorothy Rowe said she intended it to act as a sequel to The God Delusion. Dawkins, she said, had posed the question: “Why do intelligent people believe this garbage?” In What Should I Believe?, Rowe gives an answer, though with less of a blanket judgment as to the rubbishness or otherwise of the religious outlook. In fact, her explanation could be used to understand any form of belief, Dawkins’ included.

She starts from the premise that our greatest fear is annihilation, not physical death, necessarily, but annihilation as a person. It is the desire to avoid this that motivates us throughout our lives. For some, religion is the answer, because it tends to suggest quite straightforwardly that life carries on after death.

To me this is not why I pursue the thought of God, or the creation of the universe. For me it is to understand my existence, and the world around me. I am open to all ideas in science and religion. Even if an idea is immediately discarded by me, I still feel I am closer to understanding something just by trying to understand someone else’s point of view.

The second article goes on to how its possible for bad things to happen even if there wasn’t religion. While religion seems to be the biggest excuse train these days, there are other excuse trains in the station.

Comments and arguments welcome.

Good for Him! Jimmy Carter stands up for women’s rights!

I think its hard for someone who is part of a religious community to make a stand on one point. Organized religions are not just the beliefs but they also consist of a community. It seems like sometimes you have to accept ALL the aspects of a religion or quit/be kicked out.

It looks like Jimmy Carter decided to quit and over a very worthwhile cause! Good for him. I couldn’t agree more.

Losing my religion for equality

I HAVE been a practising Christian all my life and a deacon and Bible teacher for many years. My faith is a source of strength and comfort to me, as religious beliefs are to hundreds of millions of people around the world. So my decision to sever my ties with the Southern Baptist Convention, after six decades, was painful and difficult. It was, however, an unavoidable decision when the convention’s leaders, quoting a few carefully selected Bible verses and claiming that Eve was created second to Adam and was responsible for original sin, ordained that women must be “subservient” to their husbands and prohibited from serving as deacons, pastors or chaplains in the military service.

Full article here.

The God Delusion – first thoughts

So with all the talk and thoughts about atheism this last week, I thought I should actually read the God Delusion. While I’m only a little ways in, I thought I should make some comments.

Dawkins brings up some very good points about organized religion and how it seems to get a free pass in the excuse lane. I agree that hate speech should not be allowed just because its “part” of their religion.

I also think terrible, horrible things have been done in the name of religion… but what about places that lack a major religion? Doesn’t the offending party just find some other excuse to take the place of religion? Though maybe Dawkins addresses this some place further in the book.

Either way I feel like I’m still at a middle ground. It’s not that I think people are justified to do whatever they want, but I don’t feel like its my place to tell them what to believe. I think people, over time, will generally move away from religion. While it would be nice to think this is something that will happen soon… its almost just as silly as religion itself to think it will.

Major social change takes time. How long have women been waiting for equal treatment? (And in some places still waiting) How long did it take (is it taking) for African Americans to have equal rights in America? Living in the northeast I still know older people that are generally racist. Of course they would be very ashamed to admit it. As younger generations grow up in a more accepting world, they in turn are more accepting.

When I was growing up in environmentalism was taught in schools a bit, so I am more aware of these things. In turn my kids are really saturated with it at home and at school, so now they are very aware of conserving water, electricity and waste. I’m amazed at how often they remined me to turn off my laptop or the faucet!

So while I think Dawkins points are very valid I think they are not as dire as he makes them sound. Change takes time. Focusing on educating children all the way through college is probably the best way to insure logically thinking future generations.

Either way I’m looking forward to reading the rest of his points, and I’m glad that it is a best seller. While some points might be exaggerated, it is definitely something that needed to be said. Though I still disagree with the title.